Heavensville was beautiful to take a look at, with tall and plush timber lining the sidewalks, lovely forests and lakes surrounding virtually each nook, and lovely, low-priced houses for its residents that stood on $1 plots. The parents of Heavensville have been well mannered and type, albeit a bit quirky at occasions. However we actually couldn’t have made a greater determination. My spouse and I have been extremely glad to lastly be householders on this place. Coincidentally, all of the residents of Heavensville appeared equally comfortable and perpetually smiley. And the way might they not be? They lived in a spot straight out of a listing.
At first we did discover it a bit unnerving, how good all of it appeared. However we slowly grew to suit proper into the mould of issues. With extremely low cost and scrumptious eating places throughout city, breathtaking nature proper outdoors our entrance door, free films on the park at the very least 3 times every week, an area clinic with all of the facilities, free yoga and meditation courses, and two dozen different perks, there was actually nothing we might discover incorrect with Heavensville. Nicely, apart from one factor.
The individuals of Heavensville appeared to actually love beginning bonfires. And once I say love, I imply that there was a bonfire virtually each night time in most backyards. The odd factor was that there was no hearth division within the city, which we discovered to be relatively harmful given the quantity of day by day fires that have been began. The smells from the fires wouldn’t have bothered us if it weren’t for the truth that everybody appeared to like to prepare dinner goats within the fires, which left a robust, pungent odor within the air. In truth, the residents of Heavensville actually appeared to like goats basically. Goat cheese, goat meat, goat milk. Every part goat.
One night, the goats appeared notably loud, virtually as in the event that they have been being tortured.
“Do you think they’re cooking them alive?” my spouse, Yesi, requested me.
I laughed, picturing my seemingly good neighbors cooking a reside goat. “What? Of course not. That would be insane.”
“But, they get so loud sometimes.” She was now very significantly fascinated by it. She had a spaced-out look in her eyes.
“Goats are loud sometimes, honey. Even when they’re not being cooked alive,” I replied, chuckling.
She considered it for a bit of and nodded.
“What about the Town Hall? Don’t you find it a bit bizarre?” she requested, out of the blue sounding like a conspiracy theorist.
“I mean, yes. I do admit that the red is a bit over the top. But remember what the neighbors said? The mayor loves the color red because he’s a passionate man.”
The City Corridor had been constructed by the mayor and was a big, oval formed constructing, which might have in all probability been lovely if it weren’t for the loud, neon purple partitions it bore. We have been informed that residents weren’t allowed inside with out an invite and that it was closely guarded.
“But, then, what about the movies at the park?” my spouse continued. Yesi did this typically. Typically she was too curious for her personal good.
“What about them?”
“Well, they always show uplifting movies about love, triumph and good things overall.”
“So then why do the people living here always seem so scared when they’re watching them? I mean, who’s scared of people saving each other? Or people falling in love?”
“Hmm,” I stated, considering again to the film nights we had spent on the park. She did have some extent. The time we noticed the Lion King, individuals appeared to giggle when poor Simba tried to get up the clearly lifeless Mufasa. And lots of did gasp when Scar died. I’m fairly positive I even heard somebody crying for Scar.
“Okay, well, what are you getting at?” I requested.
“I don’t know,” she answered, with an inquisitive look in her eyes. “Just something seems off sometimes.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Maybe, but it’s a small town. Small towns can be creepy some times.”
Yesi lastly stopped asking questions that night time however it wouldn’t be lengthy earlier than she would discover the solutions to questions she wished she wouldn’t have requested.
Yesi and I owned a graphic design firm which allowed us to principally do business from home. However each now and again, we did have to satisfy a few of our clients. A few month into our tenure in Heavensville, we acquired a shopper that needed to have a face-to-face assembly.
That is when issues started to unravel.
Yesi and I drove out of city to satisfy our shopper, following the instructions on her telephone. However we shortly realized one thing was terribly fallacious.
“Weird,” Yesi stated, wanting down at her telephone, “I just don’t understand.”
The instructions she was giving me stored bringing us to exits that all the time led us again to Heavensville.
“How is this possible?” I requested, annoyed by the very fact we couldn’t appear to have the ability to depart the city.
After many failed makes an attempt to go away, we stopped on the native fuel station to ask for instructions however the clerk was not very useful.
“Why do you want to leave, though?” he requested, confused.
“What?” I requested, much more confused. “Look, I have a meeting for work and I just need to get to this address. How do I get out of Heavensville?”
Lastly, annoyed with our questions, he threw his arms up within the air and stated, “You know what? The streets get messed up sometimes. They bug. The best place for you to get them fixed would be at the Town Hall. The folks there can help you.”
Feeling a bit spooked however not likely having one other selection, Yesi and I drove down Angels street, which led on to the Central Plaza and the City Corridor. We parked the automotive and walked in the direction of the doorway. This was the primary time we might be getting into the opulent, oval, pink City Corridor. We had been advised to remain away however the clerk on the fuel station had stated it was the most effective place for us to get assist, so we determined it was a ok excuse.
“Oh look. Here’s a directory,” Yesi stated, pointing at a big signal that greeted you on the entry.
The listing made no sense.
The Incinerator: Room 111
Aamon: Room 123
Human Sources: Room 150
Miracles & Different Tips: Room 251
Weapons and Methods: Room 283
Possessions: Room 376
Baphomet: Room 399
Goats: Room 493
Infernal Spa: Room 555
The Mayor’s Workplace: Room 666
Portal to Hell: Room -666
“This must be some kind of joke,” I stated, chuckling on the cleverness. Yesi didn’t discover it humorous
“I’m telling you Jake, something’s off.”
As we walked previous the signal, we might barely decide up our jaws from the ground. It was stellarly lovely inside. With excessive ceilings, white pillars lining the hallways, tropical crops all over the place and stylish home windows and decor, it actually took us unexpectedly. We additionally observed that it was not guarded in any respect.
We walked over to a pair of pink elevators, as in line with the signal, the mayor’s workplace was on the sixth flooring. The doorways instantly opened and we walked inside. I used to be bobbing my head to the elevator music, which was very catchy, when the doorways lastly opened.
The sixth flooring bustled with busy individuals. There have been many rows of cubicles with glass partitions. Individuals with headsets sat on their desks, monitoring graphs and maps on their screens. There have been individuals strolling round with stacks of papers. There have been individuals on telephones. Everybody appeared very busy, targeted and sharp.
We observed that there was a entrance desk however there was an indication that stated “Back in 5 minutes.”
“Let’s try to blend in,” Yesi whispered, pulling me by the arm.
“Wait, it says to wait 5 minutes at the front desk,” I whispered again.
Yesi winked at me and motioned for me to comply with her, utterly ignoring what I had simply stated. I had no selection however to comply with her. She walked all the best way down the ground till we reached a pink door.
“Are you gonna knock?” I started to ask, however earlier than I might end my query, Yesi opened the door.
Sitting by a big, circle-formed window, sat a tall man with black rimmed glasses. He had his hair in a swoop pompadour and was wearing a pristine, white go well with. He was on the telephone.
“Yes, but we are slowly phasing out those types of possessions. The days of green vomit, urinating on folks, screaming like hyenas, all that- they’re long gone. I’m looking to invest into some of this new technology,” he stated as he appeared over his shoulder, sensing our presence.
Shit, I assumed to myself, as he appeared in our path.
“Uh, listen, Bob, I gotta go. But get me the number for that priest please. We’re gonna need to get those idiots outta there as soon as possible. We don’t want another mess like the girl in Germany. Yeah, okay, thanks,” he stated, hanging up the telephone.
He then swiveled his chair and checked out us. “You folks lost?” He grinned, revealing an ideal smile.
“Are you the mayor of Heavensville?” Yesi spoke up with all the arrogance I used to be all of a sudden missing.
“I am,” the mayor replied, smiling. “Come in, have a seat.” He motioned for us to take a seat down.
Yesi and I sat down on two giant, pink chairs.
“What can I do for you today?” he requested.
“Well, first, it’s nice to finally meet you,” Yesi replied, placing her palms down on his desk. “I’m Yesi, and this is my husband Jake. We’re new in town. Listen, we’ve been trying to exit the town for a while now and can’t seem to be able to. The clerk at the gas station said the streets sometimes get wacky. What’s that about? In fact, what’s up with that directory downstairs? And actually, while I’m here, how come you guys love goats so much?”
“Yesi,” I stated, pulling on her shirt, begging for her to cease with all of the bizarre questions.
“I love movies,” the mayor replied, smiling. “That’s what that was about. The phone call, I mean. You see, I have an idea for a movie about demons and I was telling my agent about it.”
“Oh,” I stated, laughing, “well that explains that!” I smiled. Yesi didn’t.
The mayor continued. “Could you imagine? Demons taking over the world?” He burst out laughing. The laughing grew louder and louder till it was apparent it will be impolite if we didn’t take part. So Yesi and I began laughing too. We have been all laughing loudly till the mayor abruptly didn’t discover it humorous anymore.
“Well, it’s not that ridiculous, guys,” he straightened his tie, including, “Demons could take over the world one day. Or not. Or they could. I mean, who knows? Maybe. Maybe not.”
Yesi and I cleared our throats.
“Oh, well, I wouldn’t know,” Yesi replied. “My husband and I don’t believe in make-believe.”
I feigned a smile. “What my wife means, Mister Mayor,” I stated, clearing my throat some extra, “is that we are both practicing… atheists.”
“Practicing?” the Mayor requested, chuckling. “I didn’t know you could practice a non-religion.”
“No, I mean, I’m sorry,” I laughed. “You’re right. We are just atheists.”
“Well, now that you mention it, that’s very strange,” the Mayor stated, as he took a file out from his desk and began to look by way of its pages. “Martha never picked up on your atheism. But that wouldn’t be surprising. For being a clairvoyant she’s actually very bad at picking up on the details. And you know what they say?” He grinned, pointing his index finger at us. “The devil is in the details.” He winked.
I nervously smiled. Yesi didn’t.
“Well, listen here,” the Mayor continued, “it’s okay. The atheism bit, I mean. I can see that you still meet a lot of the other good points.”
He continued to shuffle by way of papers that I now understood had details about Yesi and I.
“It says here you both donate every year to the Humane Society. It says you volunteer at the YMCA. It says you’re both very kind and respectful. No traffic tickets. No criminal record,” he continued to learn. “Oh! And you’re both Canadians! Good for you.”
I nodded, smiling some extra and feeling proud. Yesi didn’t.
“I don’t understand?” Yesi requested.
“Oh, well, you didn’t think we sold land and loaned money to just anyone, did you?” the mayor answered. “We like to make sure the residents of Heavensville are good upstanding folks. After all, it is Heavensville. And you two seem like very good humans–err–people. People. You two seem like very good people.”
The mayor paused for a second earlier than including, “So, about those directions… let me give you this map with directions here so that you can go. I think some of the boards on the streets might be incorrect. But this map here will show you how to–”
As he pulled out a map out from his desk, a lady burst by means of the doorways.
“I’m so sorry, Mister Mayor! It’s my fault that these two have been compromised! I apologize, sir. They didn’t wait by the front desk. I was just taking a break in the Incinerator and I left the sign and yet, clearly, they didn’t follow the instructions. But don’t worry! All is taken care of, sir. I’ve already called the people from the second floor to bring up the Flame Throwers. The programmers fixed the bug on the portal this morning so it shouldn’t be an issue getting them straight to Hell after we burn them. I’ll take care of it. And I’m very sorry once again, sir. But if it’s any comfort to you, obviously these two are not good humans because they couldn’t even follow simple instructions on a sign.”
“The Flame Throwers?” Yesi requested.
“Hell?” I responded, not discovering these quirks humorous.
“Well, Cindy, it isn’t any comfort actually. Because half of the families that come to Heavensville become compromised within a month or two thanks to dimwits like yourself. These two weren’t compromised before. But now, after your little speech there, they are. So good job. Having to deal with your incompetence is beyond exhausting sometimes. You can go ahead and leave now. And cancel the Flame Throwers. Also, can you tell them the streets are bugging again? It seems we’ve been disconnected from Earth again. Can you at least do that, or is that also too hard for you, Cindy?”
Cindy began crying and ran out of the room. Yesi and I turned again to face the mayor, who was now mumbling, “Every damn time.”
He lastly appeared up at us, nervously smiling. “Look, I can explain.” He hesitated, clearly not understanding the place to start.
“I’m just gonna tell you straight like it is,” he lastly stated, taking a deep breath. “Heavensville is a… special place. On Earth, I mean. It’s the headquarters for the most powerful company in the universe. Hell Inc. Ever heard of it? We’re pretty popular.”
Yesi didn’t reply. I shook my head.
“We own lots of things. For example, cats. Kittens, too. We own all of them. They work for us,” he proudly stated earlier than his voice went right down to a somber tone. “We’ve tried with dogs. But they’re too good, those cute bastards.”
He obtained misplaced in his ideas for a few seconds earlier than persevering with.
“So, as I was saying, I work with fallen angels. Cindy, the receptionist you just met? She’s a fallen angel. Your neighbors? Fallen angels. The folks out there working, they’re all fallen angels. And part of what we do here at this headquarters, is recruit humans so that we can learn from them.”
“Why do you have to learn from humans?” Yesi requested, genuinely intrigued.
“I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie, The Exorcist? Well, we used to be pretty bad at possessions. You know, twisting the human body in unnatural ways, vomiting everywhere, speaking in languages no one ever understood. Complete waste of time, really. Not only did it bring us a ton of negative attention, but we were never able to achieve anything constructive. But then one day, one of my most gifted fallen angels – we’ll call him Steve – came up with a better idea: What if we possessed humans by acting as humanly as possible? They would never suspect us and we could slowly take over the world. Well, as it turns out, it’s the best way to possess people. It has completely changed our business model.”
Yesi and I sat broad-eyed in silence.
“I told you!” Yesi all of the sudden screamed at me. “I told you there was something weird going on!”
“I–uh,” I stumbled over my phrases, “I don’t know what to say.”
“Well, listen here, guys. Don’t take this as something bad. This is a good thing. In fact, this is probably the best opportunity you’ll ever have in the entirety of your life. I mean, you’re about to make a deal with the most powerful guy in the universe,” he smiled, clearly talking about himself.
“Wouldn’t that be God?” Yesi requested mockingly.
This angered the Mayor. “No,” he scoffed, “that’s just a common misconception. As is the idea that he’s a good guy. God is not a good guy. I’m a good guy. And aren’t you an atheist anyway? Don’t atheists not believe in God?”
“Touché,” Yesi nodded. “So what’s this deal you speak of?”
I tugged at her shirt, trying to get her to cease, however she shoved my hand out of the best way.
“Well, see here. You both are good folks. And I have a whole group of amateurs who need to learn to be more human. They’re mostly your neighbors. Normally they would learn by living in the same town as you, hence the need for Heavensville, but since the whole plan has been exposed again, I have a better idea this time. It would be much easier if they could learn directly from you in a classroom setting. So… how would you like to teach a class of fallen angels how to be human?”
“And by fallen angels, you mean… demons?” Yesi requested.
“We prefer the term ‘fallen angels,’” the Mayor shortly corrected her.
“For how long?” Yesi requested.
At this level, my mouth was hanging open in disbelief that Yesi was truly contemplating this.
“One year,” the Mayor replied.
“What’s in it for us?”
“A guarantee of a beautiful and peaceful afterlife.”
“I’m an atheist. I don’t believe in the afterlife.”
“Well,” the Mayor replied, laughing, “there is an afterlife, whether you believe in it or not. But okay… how about a lifetime job guarantee at any of the 500 plus companies that work for me? I’m talking about big-time corporations with seven-figure salaries, lots of power, lots of perks.”
All of the sudden, my ears perked up. Yesi appeared over at me after which again on the Mayor.
“Deal,” she stated, extending her hand.
The Mayor smiled extensive and laughed. He shook her hand earlier than including, “And that’s how you make a pact with the Devil.”
I’m virtually sure I’ve killed somebody.
However let me again up for a second.
After my spouse sat me down and satisfied me there was no different approach however to simply accept the deal the Mayor provided, I agreed that it was the most secure factor for us to do. I imply, can you actually flip down Devil understanding he has the facility to burn you into ashes proper then and there?
We every received one class of 55 college students. Clearly Humanology 101 was a extremely popular course to absorb Heavensville. Being that I had by no means taught a category earlier than in my life, I discovered it very troublesome even when I used to be fairly good on the topic… you already know, being human. Nonetheless, I attempted my greatest contemplating I didn’t need to displease any of my college students contemplating the very fact they have been demons.
“So, welcome to Humanology 101. I thought we could start the class by introducing ourselves. I’ll go first. My name is Jake, and I’m a human. I’ve been a human for 36 years now, most of which I lived in a country named Canada. But I’ve been living here, in the United States, for about five years now. I mostly work with design and computers, but I also dabble in other human hobbies such as guitar playing, hockey and cooking. So, who wants to go next? How about you?”
I pointed at a younger man sitting instantly in entrance of me. He was sharply dressed, had brief brown hair, hazel eyes and a sort smile. He calmly stood as much as introduce himself.
“My name is Asag. I’m ten-thousand, five-hundred and twenty-seven years old. I’ve lived in various places over the years, but now call Heavensville home. I love it here. For a living, I make people sick. In my true form, I’m so hideous that I can make anything boil alive from just looking at me. Especially fish for some reason. For my hobbies, I enjoy possessing humans. In the past I’ve gotten in trouble for it because I’m not very good at it. But, that’s why I’m here. My goal is to possess a politician, like some of my friends have been able to successfully do. Either that, or, I’d also like to possess a celebrity. That could be fun.”
The category eagerly clapped as I questioned which politicians he was talking of.
“Can I go next?” a lady sitting within the again requested. She wore a fragile, silk violet gown. Her actions have been smooth and landed with precision. Her hair was tied again into a pointy and glossy ponytail that led to an ideal curl.
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“My name is Belphegor. A very long time ago, Lord Lucifer made me ambassador to France. I have lived there for most of my life. I love brie, macaroons and pain au chocolat. My hobbies include reading French novellas, trying out Michelin restaurants and suffering-watching. For a living, I reveal new discoveries or inventions to humans. In fact, I’m responsible for many inventions in the human world today. For example, I helped invent the guillotine with the purpose of widespread use in France. But my biggest success thus far has been to reveal to a certain man a small, handheld gadget. Some of you might know it as a smartphone. My purpose was to slowly dumb down the human race so that they would be easier to possess. I impacted the earth in a tremendous way, so Lord Lucifer has awarded me with more powers over the years. I’m here to learn more about humans. I’m not very interested in possessions, but Lord Lucifer has told me I should give it a try.”
The category gave her a standing ovation as I slowly tossed my iPhone into the trash can.
The subsequent introduction got here from a younger boy that couldn’t have been older than 5 or 6 years previous. He was a redhead with dozens of freckles on his small face. He wore a white button-up shirt with jean overalls. You would virtually name him lovable if it weren’t for the truth that he was a demon.
“Hey, guys. I’m Baal. I’m one of the most-worshiped demons by humans. I’m the Duke of Hell. I lead 66 legions of demons. I really enjoy feasting on human suffering and pain, the kind that causes them to harm themselves or harm others around them. I love to hide in the dark, behind doors, or on the walls, from which I can jump on humans and watch them squirm as they try to pry my claws off from them. I like to eat them too, complete with their souls. I’m here because I really want to cause some pain on Earth. Hey, Teach, I’m looking forward to your class. Don’t let us down.”
I swallowed all of the saliva that had amassed in my mouth from the nerves as I obediently nodded to Baal.
The remainder of the introductions left me in an existential disaster. My college students have been evil and their sole function was to rid the world of its humanity.
One way or the other, I acquired by way of half of the yr. There was a variety of vomiting within the mornings earlier than class. There have been a ton of nightmares on most nights. However I acquired via most of it comparatively unscathed… till the second half of the course.
Throughout rotations, I might train on someday, however on the subsequent, one scholar can be allowed to own me for a day and attempt to act like me. However the fact is, most demons are a misplaced trigger. They only need to have enjoyable and infrequently take issues significantly.
Some mornings I awoke with extreme ache in my muscle mass, from all of the deformities that they had twisted me into. Different days I awakened midway the world over and I’d should board a aircraft again to Heavensville. The one good possession was from the Ambassador of France. I awakened in a fantastic Parisian lodge overlooking the Eiffel Tower. The room was full of all types of cheeses, pastries and wine. It was a reasonably good contemplating I had by no means been to France earlier than.
However I had a couple of rotations that have been downright terrible. On multiple event I awoke with a wierd style in my mouth, like I had eaten one thing uncooked. There was blood on my clothes and underneath my nails. I had scratches on my limbs, as if somebody had tried to struggle me off. Once I’d get to class, the demons would snicker, asking me if I used to be a cannibal.
So yeah, I’m fairly positive I’ve killed some individuals.
The rotations went on for some time and there was nothing I might do about it. What impressed me was Yesi’s willpower to make the most effective of issues. She was having a a lot simpler time together with her courses and even together with her rotations. She was actually getting by means of to the demons. She was all the time higher than me at most issues and this was not an exception.
Someday in school, I used to be discussing the Chapter of Love with my college students.
“Why do you say that?” I requested a scholar who claimed that love was Devil’s biggest software and the human’s largest weak spot.
“Well, love creates jealousy. Love creates obsession. Love can make you sick. Love sometimes even causes psychotic breaks which end in fatalities. I mean, if used correctly, love is one of the best tools for Lucifer to use against humans.”
“Interesting point,” I replied, realizing that virtually something might be turned for use towards people.
A knock on the door interrupted my ideas. A determine with a human physique and a goat’s head slowly opened the door and walked into our classroom. At this level, nothing appeared irregular to me anymore.
“Guys, we are going to need to evacuate the building,” the goatman stated.
My class moaned. I used to be proud. For as soon as they appeared to be having fun with my course.
“Listen, this is a very serious matter. The Portal to Hell has been breached and it’s not looking very good. They’re saying that a chunk of Earth could fall right into it, causing widespread destruction inside Hell itself.”
“And what about Earth?” I requested, all of the sudden frightened.
“Well, that’s the only good thing. We would cause destruction on Earth. But the destruction of Hell outweighs the benefit so we need to stop the breach,” the goatman replied.
“But why do we need to evacuate the building? We’re in the middle of a class,” Baal protested.
“Because… it seems the breach came from inside the building. We have a mole. The Mayor thinks that God has a mole in here who has been feeding information to his hackers over at Heavens Inc. This is a big deal, guys. This would mean God is breaching the Peace Treaty of the Battle of the Burning Sleph,” the goatman replied.
“Wait, wait a second. You’re saying God has hackers in a place called Heavens Inc. and these hackers got into the Hell Inc. system and have now caused a breach into the Portal to Hell?” I laughed for the primary time in ages. “Why would God even want to cause damage to Earth?
“He doesn’t. He’s an idiot. He never knows what he’s doing. Everything he does has bugs and viruses in it. This is just another one of his idiotic plans.”
Properly, that explains rather a lot, I assumed to myself.
They made us exit the City Corridor and stand outdoors on the garden as they checked the whole constructing for bugs and proof. As I stood there, ready for information, I noticed Yesi strolling quickly in the direction of me. She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me away.
“What are you doing?” I requested.”What’s happening?”
“They’re onto me, Jake,” she stated, stopping for a second.
“I’m so sorry. I’ve been lying to you for a while. I’m not really Yesi,” she calmly said.
“I don’t understand.”
“Yesi allowed me to enter her body many years ago. My real name is Ariel, and I’m an angel. I’m the mole. And we need to get out of here before they figure it out.”
Let me start by telling you that I contemplate myself a Satanist now.
However as soon as once more, let me backup to offer you some particulars earlier than you decide me.
Once I came upon that Yesi was an angel named Ariel who had been working with God all alongside, I used to be relieved. I assumed that each one my issues can be fastened and that I wouldn’t should cope with demons and possessions anymore. However you recognize what they are saying: Devil is filled with surprises.
The angel Ariel insisted that we would have liked to go to God in order that he might assist shield us and to type the whole lot out. I had no purpose to assume in any other case. Ariel drove us a few hours away from Heavensville to a Dunkin’ Donuts.
“I didn’t know you liked doughnuts. You always seemed to hate sweets,” I stated, stunned she had chosen this place for a snack.
“No,” she replied, getting out of the automotive, “there is a Portal to Heaven here.”
In fact, I assumed to myself. Is sensible.
We walked inside. All the workers appeared to know her as she made her approach to the again of the Dunkin’ Donuts, grabbing a Boston cream doughnut on the best way.
“Do all these humans have angels living inside them?” I requested.
“Do the humans know?”
Ariel shook her head.
“Only a few of them know,” she stated, paying attention to my practice of thought. “But Yesi knew. And you’ve never actually met her. It’s always been me.”
This made me really feel an immense unhappiness. My marriage had meant nothing.
“Are these considered possessions?” I requested.
“Well,” Ariel tilted her head and squinted her proper eye, “I guess you could call it that, but that word is mostly reserved for the demons.”
That’s a bit hypocritical, I assumed to myself as I seemed again at my organized marriage to an angel.
Lastly, Ariel stopped in entrance of the storage room door. She turned again and seemed me straight within the eye earlier than opening the door. “Jake, we are about to enter Heavens Inc. I have to warn you, God is… not like the Mayor. He’s not like Lucifer. Please be respectful and behave. Remember that you will be in the presence of your creator, and there is a certain reverence you owe him.”
I out of the blue felt very nervous. I used to be about to satisfy the God. I nodded my head to Ariel.
She turned again round, twisted the doorknob as she opened the gateway to Heavens Inc.
I had imagined rays of sunshine instantly breaking by means of a flooring of puffy, tender clouds. I had imagined angelical strings enjoying within the background because the pearly gates slowly opened right into a metropolis of everlasting bliss.
However as an alternative, the door merely opened right into a storage room behind a Dunkin’ Donuts.
Noticing my disappointment, Ariel requested, “What’s wrong?”
“Umm,” I paused, sheepishly rubbing the again of my neck, “I just thought it would look different.”
She nodded in a dissatisfied settlement. “Tell me about it. Heavens Inc. has been under construction for thousands of years. Not even us angels have been able to take a peak at the Promised Land.” She appeared unhappy, and continued. “Alright, stand in the corner, because I need to summon God, and he tends to like to make an entrance.”
I stepped again, on the brink of meet my maker. I used to be nervous till I noticed Ariel take the Boston cream doughnut and wave it within the air whereas talking in a language I didn’t perceive.
Is she actually summoning God with a doughnut proper now? I assumed to myself.
Instantly, mild began to slowly break by means of the white wall as a luminous circle emerged. The sunshine was utterly blinding. I needed to cowl my eyes and face and look away. It was disagreeable, to be utterly trustworthy. When it lastly toned down, I observed Ariel bowing down, so I instantly did the identical. I seemed up at Ariel a few occasions, questioning once we might get again up, because it was getting fairly lengthy and my again was nonetheless hurting from all of the distortions my physique had gone by means of through the demonic possessions. However the reverence went on for fairly some time.
Lastly, the sunshine utterly disappeared and Ariel straightened again up. I adopted go well with.
God was extremely tall. His hair flippantly rubbed towards the ceiling. He had many muscular tissues, some that didn’t make anatomical sense. He had good, unblemished pores and skin and remarkably good-looking options. He sported a hipster beard and a decent, white T-shirt with a pair of denims. I wouldn’t be capable of inform you his ethnic background because it was combined sufficient as to grow to be indecipherable.
“My dear Ariel,” he stated in a low tone, “you always know how to get me to appear.” He softly took the doughnut from her hand and began to munch on it.
“Yes, my Lord,” Ariel replied, earlier than altering topics. “My Lord, my cover has been blown over at Heavensville, Hell Inc.’s headquarters on Earth.” God continued to devour the doughnut, spilling cream throughout his beard. “More importantly, there was a breach in the Portal to Hell, which has placed a piece of Earth in danger. And to add to all this, Jake’s life is also in danger now.”
God was nonetheless very busy licking all his fingers and sucking on a few of the hairs on his beard to get to all of the cream that had spilled out from his doughnut. To be frank, it was fairly disgusting.
Noticing that I used to be unimpressed, Ariel feigned a smile and softly shrugged her shoulders at me as we each waited in silence for God to complete his doughnut and to deal with us.
“First of all,” God lastly started, clearing his throat, “the breach wasn’t really my fault. The hackers obviously didn’t follow my instructions correctly. But they’ve been taken care of. They’ve all fallen into Hell as of this morning. Second, at this point, a little human cleansing wouldn’t be such a terrible idea, so I don’t really see what the issue here is.” He wiped his mouth earlier than letting out a slightly loud belch. “And third, this human here, Jake? He’s an atheist. And he has insulted me. When he was sixteen years old he said, and I quote, ‘Fuck God. If he’s so good, why didn’t he stop the prequel Star Wars movies from happening? Fuck him! He’s a dick. And doesn’t even exist.’” As he was quoting me, he even went as far as to talk in my very own teen-aged voice.
God cleared his throat and added, “He deserves no mercy from me.”
I used to be profusely sweating by this level, utterly embarrassed by my actions as a teenage boy. I observed that Ariel appeared over at me with pity.
“But sir, with all due respect, we are angels and we protect your creations. You are his father. He is your son. You have a duty to protect him,” she insisted, begging God for assist.
God merely laughed at her. “I can’t protect someone who doesn’t believe in me.”
“You mean, someone who doesn’t worship you,” Ariel blurted out, altering the tone of her voice. “You know what? That’s it. I’m tired of all this. You should be ashamed of yourself, sir.”
A thunderous sound out of the blue got here out from God’s mouth as he opened it in anger. He stomped his foot and the bottom started to shake. I fell to the bottom, hitting my pinky finger on one of many cabinets. I heard it crack because the small bone inside it broke. I yelped out in ache and super worry. God resembled a monster at this level. After a few minutes, the bottom slowly calmed down and God stopped screaming out thunder.
“How dare you speak to me like this?” he requested, his voice human once more. “How dare you tell me that I’m shameful? How dare you do all these things? I will have you sent directly to Hell Inc., you blasphemous angel!”
Ariel’s face modified. She helped decide me up and softly touched my finger together with her hand, eradicating all of the ache.
“You know what?” Ariel requested God. “You can do whatever you want. I’m done with you. I’m tired of you messing up everything you touch. All you care about is creating things so that they can worship and adore you. And if they don’t, you punish them. I mean, is there anyone or anything more self-centered in this universe than yourself? Your narcissism always gets the best of you, just like the time you cast away your smartest and brightest angel. And what happened then? He created Hell Inc. to spite you! So, essentially, you created Hell due to your selfishness and need to be adored and worshipped.”
God all of a sudden turned defensive, his pores and skin turning a shiny pink colour. “What? I have no idea what you’re talking about. You have read the wrong history books, missy.”
“Oh, yeah?” Ariel requested mockingly. “How about this: Where is Heaven? How come no one has ever seen it? Why do you continue lying to humans by making them believe that if they worship you, there will be a beautiful afterlife waiting for them when in reality, all there is at this moment is a severely overcrowded purgatory where human souls float in confusion for eternity!”
“What?” I requested, shocked.
God didn’t reply and as an alternative started to whistle as he checked out his fingernails.
“You want to know what I think?” Ariel continued. “I think Heaven is no longer under construction. In fact, I think Heaven was finished a very long time ago and you’ve been keeping it all to yourself because you truly are the most self-centered being in this universe! And this is why we keep having to meet you in storage closets and bathroom stalls and abandoned hospitals! This is why human souls are stuck in an eternal purgatory! And I’m not the only one who thinks this, by the way! There are plenty of other angels to back up my feelings.”
God, uninterested in Ariel’s accusations, lastly had sufficient. He checked out her and stated, “You know what? You really want to know what?” However he didn’t have a lot else to say after that, which led me to consider Ariel’s accusations have been almost definitely true. He continued, “I’m the almighty God! You are a blasphemous angel who doesn’t know what worshipping God means. And… and… you’re a stupid, idiotic, dumb cun–” Earlier than God might end his sentence, he snapped his fingers.
I screamed in protest as Ariel and I tumbled collectively by way of a darkish abyss, hoping God wasn’t sending us into purgatory.
I used to be nonetheless screaming once I felt Ariel softly patting me on the again saying, “It’s okay. It’s okay. You can relax now, Jake. We’re in Hell.”
* * * * * *
Ariel was a superb angel. However she now had been forged into Hell to turn out to be a fallen angel, also referred to as a demon. The Mayor was ecstatic to have one other fallen angel in his legions, particularly such a strong one as Ariel. And that is once I got here to understand, Hell Inc. itself was overpopulated with angels that had been forged away from Heavens Inc. by an unforgiving and overzealous God. In truth, as a result of his fixed removing of angels from Heavens Inc., Hell itself was present process an incredible change. And Devil, or the Mayor, appears to welcome it with opened arms. As a result of because it seems, he too was a type of angels as soon as.
Now, I’m not saying Devil is ideal. There are definitely some demons, like those that attended my class, whose sole function is to trigger hurt and ache in human souls. However the fallen angels who stay in Hell Inc. are principally good. Devil was as soon as certainly one of these angels and nonetheless carries a contact of that inside him. He isn’t as self-centered because the God I met. After he completed fixing the breach, he didn’t even punish Ariel and I for looking for assist from God. He’s truly fairly forgiving. And Hell isn’t such a horrible place whenever you get to share it with tens of millions of excellent fallen angels.
I now know that there’s a God. I do know that there’s a Heaven. However I additionally know that God is maintaining Heaven all to himself, on prime of having fun with the adoration of his followers. As an alternative, he sends all human souls right into a limbo of darkness for eternity. And if that isn’t worse than Hell, I don’t know what’s.
What petrifies me is the concept a overwhelming majority of Earth’s inhabitants worships God. What terrifies me is that the majority of those human souls will find yourself in an overcrowded, darkish place, with a damaged promise from a deity whose vainness and ego won’t ever permit him to share the everlasting bliss that he’s able to creating.
So, now, I’m a Satanist. And I hope that once I die, I find yourself in Hell.
Credit score: Sandra Varela (Twitter • Reddit)
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